Monday, April 8, 2013

My One Track Mind

Okay, so obviously, no one really has a "one track mind", but one track in my mind is much broader, deeper and frequently traveled than any other.  I can't stop thinking of dogs.  It doesn't matter what is going on in daily life.  All will stop and switch gears when I am with or see a dog.  There is some program in my DNA that gives me a jolt whenever "dog" stimuli occurs.  This physiological jolt occurs on many levels.  If I were more scientific I would explain it in those terms, but I'm not.  What I can explain is that my heart beats differently, expands significantly, my brain switches from whatever else is going on to focus on "dog" (kind of like dogs switch to "squirrel") and a maternal love washes over me.  I am happy with dogs, I am excited for them when something good happens, sad for them when something is bothering them, in touch with the 'greater' when I am close to them. 

Obsession comes to mind when I try to verbalize my feelings and tendencies toward dogs.  Is this truly genetic?  Is this learned behavior?  When I was born we had a beautiful dog.  Twinkle Toes (Twink, Twinkie) was a sweet, big female Boxer.  My earliest memory is of her.  I remember the closeness and trust I had with her.  I also remember the night she left to go to another home even though I was only about 2-3 years old.  Years went by before my family adopted another dog.  In the meantime I had "Doggy".  Doggy was (and still is, in his old, worn, material, wrapped in a clear plastic pouch in my closet) my strength, my protection, my confidant.  Another early memory of being in the hospital at about 4 years old is of my longing for my Doggy.  I wasn't allowed to have him with me in the hospital evidently as I didn't get him, but I wanted him so badly so that I could feel safe.

Since earliest childhood, even though I didn't have an innate knowledge of how to take care of a dog, other than love and cherish one, I have had an invisible umbilical cord to them.  As life took it's crazy, confusing turns I relied on dogs to help me through for all of the same reasons my bond for Doggy was strong; strength, protection, etc.  When I finally had my very own dog(s) I became exceedingly aware of the deep connection that I would always feel with all dogs.  Whether the dog is mine or someone else's, or no one's, there is a cellular excitement that I feel when my being senses dog stimuli.

I struggle daily to balance my obsession with dogs with life as a human being.  When all is said and done at the end of the day I will always trust in dogs for whatever I need, as love will carry me.